I was watching half ton hospital the other day
Posted by: tauris75 on: December 4, 2008
Then I went into a messageboard forum that I frequent and people were talking about it and not sure how people who are so big can’t just stop eating…
This inspired me to write about my experience with binge eating. I have done it for years without even knowing what I was doing. I used to make my lunch for school the night before and used to make two lots so I could go to my room and eat one lot then and there. I used to steal 8 packs of mince pies from the freezer and eat them all in a day, sometimes not even waiting for it to defrost. I remember hearing my mother say so many times that she does not understand why I am so big when I eat the same, sometimes less than my brother and sisters… Little did she know 
Once I was earning my own money I used to go to the supermarket and buy a large pack of chips and a bag of pineapple lumps or other sweets and sit there and eat the lot. I would buy saussage rolls, pies and fried chicken for a morning tea snack and I was drinking at least a litre of coke a day to wash it down with.
For about two years I had a container under my bed that was always filled with sweets, M&M’s, jet planes, pineapple lumps… You name it I filled my lollie jar with it. I would go to the supermarket and spend at least $10 on lollies a week. The only reason I stopped that was the kids found it and I was not prepared to share my stash.
Bingeing is the most awful thing to combat. You know you shouldn’t be eating what you are but the drive to not buy and then eat EVERYTHING is so overwhelming
The worse part is when you have finished you feel so bloated, full and uncomfortable and there is nothing you can do and it takes hours and hours to feel even comfortable again… Then you promise yourself you will not let this happen again and within days you are heading for the fried food and the chips and sweets
Bingeing is – as I’m sure you all can tell – something I have struggled with for a while. I pretty much have it under control but there are days when it takes everything I have not to do it.
The cycle of a binge eater is a vicious one; you eat to feel better, its a way to curb your emotions, then you feel bad for eating what you shouldnt be so you binge… it takes so much to break the cycle. I have realised that not teling people I was bingeing was actually allowing myself to do it more so I have started to be honest about it but there are still times when I can’t, its soooo hard.
Just writing this is so hard but I know I have to do it if I am to recover from this terrible way of living. Hope this lends some insight to how I got to be a big as I am.
Yours in weightloss
Tray 
Day two
Posted by: tauris75 on: November 25, 2008
Today was a better day in the scheme of getting things done but I am now officially bored. After being so busy almost all year I now have “nothing” to do and its driving me mad.
I was pretty good with my eating today, stuck within my points but did not do any exercise. I was supposed to go for a run this evening but its been really hot here today and there was no way I was running in that heat. I need a swift kick to get me back to running, might have to tell my husband to be meaner if I dont go lol.
I had the urge to binge today and the only thing I had which I probably shouldn’t was some dip. But not the whole punnet like I used to, I put it in the kids wraps first and I didn’t buy chippies, just some delites which are a rice snack with only 4 points for the whole box.
Swimming again tomorrow, dont think I will be swimming 2.5kms tomorrow, might just aim for 1.5kms, I was knackered yesterday after swimming 2.5 but I wanted to know that I could do it.
Right off to bed to read, Night.
Tray
Lets start at the very beginning
Posted by: tauris75 on: November 24, 2008
I have been trying to lose weight for years. I have tried many fad diets when I was in my teens and none of them worked. At 22 I met my ex-husband and we got married and had our daughter Melissa within a year. During this time my food was TERRIBLE!!! I was eating pies for breakfast, chippies were an everyday thing and coke was the only thing other than coffee that I drunk.
I finally decided when our daughter Melissa was one that it was time to start doing somehting about this, I joined a gym and was going at least three times a week. I started losing weight and looking good and people were commenting on how good I was looking. The ex didn’t like this and started sabotaging my gym time, not being there for our daughter and making like miserable for me so I stopped and piled the weight back on.
I decided at this time it was time to do something that he couldn’t sabotage so I went to the Dr and he put me on Duromine, a diet pill. This then caused the need for sleeping pills as I couldn’t sleep at the end of the day. Then I got depressed and was on antidepressants. I was losing weight though when I managed to hide the pills from my druggie husband but my marriage was falling down around my ears and we even had a months break. I got down to 242lbs or 110kgs and was feeling good about myself when I got pregnant with our son Cameron.
By the time Cam was born I was living on my own and was facing being a solo mother. My brother moved into our garage converted into a bedroom and we got another boarder who was in a caravan outside so I at least had company. For the next two years I was miserable but learning how to rely on myself and not need anyone else. Roll on my divorce and the next chapter in the life of fat Tracey.
I finally decided it was time to do something for myself. I started eating healthy meals and trying not to binge too much. I started losing weight and I remember the scales got back down to 121kgs or 266lbs. This is about the time I met Jeff via the internet, a New Zealand site called nzdating. We hit it off straight away and all of a sudden I felt i had a life again.
Life was good, and along with this good life was lots of takeouts, beer and chippies (again!) My weight rose for another year and a half before I decided (again) that it was time to do something about this. I joined Weight watchers with my mother and for the next 3 months I went from 133.5kgs to 115kgs. I thought this time things were good and I had it under control but then we moved from Wellington where we were living to Napier. This was a change of lifestyle and with the better weather came more socialising and eating and drinking and slowly over the next two years weight crept back on until I was back to 133kgs *
We tried to get back to losing weight but it was hard, drinking had become a weekend occurance and you can’t drink without snacks… I remember getting home so often with a pack of chips and a punnet of dip and chocolate for each of us at least twice every week. You know the drill. Jeff and I got engaged on the 10th November 2006 and our wedding was planned for 22 March 08.
I tried hard to lose weight for my wedding, I went to the gym all last year and all I managed to do was maintain my weight at about 126kgs as I was bingeing every day on deep fried and chips and sweets. My wedding weight was about 125kgs and although I do believe I looked beautiful I could have looked so much better and I hate my photos as many of them show a big roll of fat protruding over the top of the back /side of my wedding dress.
Look at that roll pf fat put the back of my thunder arms
This disgust in my wedding photos is what has inspired me to lose weight but even this year it has been a struggle. I have been watching You Tube weight loss community vids since about May this year and finally decided to be brave and start my own. Although these help I need a place where I can daily cha about whats going on for me and the exercise I have achieved and a food diary so this is why I am here.
I am currently at 117.7kgs after a gain in the last couple of weeks which I may do a blog about at some stage. I am still fighting the daily urge to binge, most days I succeed, others not so much but for the first time in years I have been honest about it which was really edgy for me and not something I wanted to admit to anyone but I knew it was the only way to stop it. I still have days when I buy and eat foods that I shouldn’t but its usually only one snack size bar of chocolate now, not a whole kingsize one.
I have started this blog as a way of keeping track of my weightwatchers points and my exercise as reporting it in will push me to do this.
Hope I haven’t bored you all – come back and see updates as they are posted.
